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 Post subject: Nature's Primal Sensuality
PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 4:54 pm 
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'As I muse upon my thoughts, dawn breaks, casting an ethereal glow across the rolling landscape.'

There you go. Done. :D

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 Post subject: Nature's Primal Sensuality
PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 5:25 pm 
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Location: Oz. The L. Frank Baum Version
Hmm I think I like that, which is better though? Yours or mine:
As I muse upon my thoughts, dawn breaks, casting an ethereal glow across the soft terrain of the globe.


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 Post subject: Nature's Primal Sensuality
PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 7:05 pm 
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Again, yours goes a bit too far. The globe conjures the idea of the whole earth, which you wouldn't be seeing, and it certainly doesn't have soft terrain as its main feature. Terrain also sounds a bit cold and harsh, a scientific term. That goes against what you are aiming for.

You could combine for soft, rolling landscape.
But in essence, I am right. Mine is best. :Arr:

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 Post subject: Nature's Primal Sensuality
PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 4:32 pm 
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Grr. Okay so the globe brings to mind sensual images but takes up to much "actual" space. Great. ....I shall best you one day Steven. Mark my words. :1st:


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 Post subject: Nature's Primal Sensuality
PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 4:42 pm 
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Voluptuous landscape? 8)


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 Post subject: Nature's Primal Sensuality
PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 4:44 pm 
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Ooo Kodama with a win. That is good, maybe even better then Steven's...


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 Post subject: Nature's Primal Sensuality
PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 8:35 pm 
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First of all, you mean than. Seriously, how hard is that - then/than. :P

Second, since when has landscape been voluptuous? You're trying to hint here, not state it over-obvious. Howard pointed out a line where you did this before.

With this type of writing, subtle works best.

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 Post subject: Nature's Primal Sensuality
PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 9:12 pm 
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Spoilsport :roll:


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 Post subject: Nature's Primal Sensuality
PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 11:04 pm 
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I was kidding you grouchy old git. Sheesh. And if you don't top correcting my thens and my thans I swear, gods as my witnesses I may have to maul you. *growls*


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 Post subject: Nature's Primal Sensuality
PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 11:45 pm 
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I was kidding, you grouchy old git. Sheesh. And if you don't top correcting my thens and my thans I swear, gods as my witnesses, I may have to maul you. *growls*

Needed a couple of commas in there. :mrgreen:
I mentioned this to someone else and she was fine with voluptuous landscape, it can be used that way, but I still think it is too blatant.
Also, when she and I argue about things, I almost always win. :shifty:

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 Post subject: Nature's Primal Sensuality
PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 12:02 am 
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Stop mixing adverbs with conjunctions and he'll leave you alone I'd wager. :wink:

"Soft rolling landscapes" sounds like a win to me but then I'm not one for overly flowery kinds of writing. If I'd written it I'd have stuck loads of references to cumulonimbus cocks and altostratus undulatus jugs in it. Which isn't sexy at all really. Ho-hum.


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 Post subject: Nature's Primal Sensuality
PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 12:20 am 
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Howard- I think I'd like to read your version of this storm. Sounds like it would be a unique experience to say the least.

Steven, you are just begging for claw marks across your chest.


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 Post subject: Nature's Primal Sensuality
PostPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 12:10 pm 
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Howard Beale wrote:
Stop mixing adverbs with conjunctions and he'll leave you alone I'd wager. :wink:


I left school behind in the ancient mists of time, could you explain this one to me. :?


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 Post subject: Nature's Primal Sensuality
PostPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 9:51 pm 
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Then = adverb (although can also be used as an adjective or pronoun)
Than = conjunction (although also a preposition)

Mixing or confusing the two is like crossing the beams in Ghostbusters; very bad. Or you'll be able to kill big ghosty things. One or the other really.


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 Post subject: Nature's Primal Sensuality
PostPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 9:55 pm 
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I had assumed it was more of a typo and in my mind corrected it to "then" anyway.

Verbs, adverbs, nouns and pronouns are little more than a distant memory, bit like school itself now.

Ta for explanation.


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