Nature's Primal Sensuality

All things written

Moderator: Old Git

Message
Author
User avatar
kodama
Project's Bitch
Posts: 12085
Joined: Wed Jun 04, 2008 10:18 pm

Nature's Primal Sensuality

#16 Post by kodama » Sun Aug 03, 2008 1:39 am

Sorry to lower the tone, but Pics or GTFO.

I've got to see that :lol:

On topic, I couldn't write that in a million years so :glomp: mixed with a hint of :(

User avatar
Old Git
Project's Bitch
Posts: 3443
Joined: Thu Jun 05, 2008 1:13 pm
AC Username: Prisoner KSC2 303
Gender: Male
Location: Wiltshire
Contact:

Nature's Primal Sensuality

#17 Post by Old Git » Sun Aug 03, 2008 1:41 am

I was going to say, this is turning into chat on a thread meant for feedback on writing. So watch it or I'll delete posts.

Yeah, I'm a mean mod. (I could get drunk on power!)
"It's my duty. My duty as a complete and utter bastard."

User avatar
CrowSpirit
Call the Cops
Posts: 950
Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2008 11:05 pm
AC Username: CrowSpirit
Gender: Female
Location: Oz. The L. Frank Baum Version
Contact:

Nature's Primal Sensuality

#18 Post by CrowSpirit » Sun Aug 03, 2008 1:48 am

Kodama- Thank you for the encouragement. I appreciate the sentiment of the hug.

Steven- Kodama started it!

User avatar
kodama
Project's Bitch
Posts: 12085
Joined: Wed Jun 04, 2008 10:18 pm

Nature's Primal Sensuality

#19 Post by kodama » Sun Aug 03, 2008 1:49 am

Oooo, the worm has turned :P


Fine. Critically. Why was the "I" not capitalised? Etheral glow across the morn or upon the morn?

And finally, been a bit of a dry spell has it? :oops:

/drunken rambling

CS: Tattle tale ;)

User avatar
shogran
Mew Mew's apprentice
Posts: 711
Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2008 11:12 pm
AC Username: shogran
Gender: Male
Location: kidderminster
Contact:

Nature's Primal Sensuality

#20 Post by shogran » Sun Aug 03, 2008 1:55 am

first its very good stop bitchin i like it


oh and in rat assed :D

User avatar
CrowSpirit
Call the Cops
Posts: 950
Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2008 11:05 pm
AC Username: CrowSpirit
Gender: Female
Location: Oz. The L. Frank Baum Version
Contact:

Nature's Primal Sensuality

#21 Post by CrowSpirit » Sun Aug 03, 2008 1:58 am

Kodama-Across or upon? Tricky, I'm referring to everything as if it were human, so it could be, across the women's body or upon the woman's body? Which sounds better?

Dry spell? :oops: Shush you! Dirty old man.

Shogran- I didn't understand a word of that.

User avatar
kodama
Project's Bitch
Posts: 12085
Joined: Wed Jun 04, 2008 10:18 pm

Nature's Primal Sensuality

#22 Post by kodama » Sun Aug 03, 2008 2:10 am

I won't mod him for that. Would be hippocritical :)

Rat arsed = drunk

CS: So dry spell would be a direct hit then :lol:

As for upon/across ask OG or HB, I'm more proof reader than editor, haven't written creatively for 17 years (apart from CVs (resumes) and forums >< )

User avatar
CrowSpirit
Call the Cops
Posts: 950
Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2008 11:05 pm
AC Username: CrowSpirit
Gender: Female
Location: Oz. The L. Frank Baum Version
Contact:

Nature's Primal Sensuality

#23 Post by CrowSpirit » Sun Aug 03, 2008 2:12 am

Kodama- You are filthy and so wrong. Yes wrong. Wait. Damn you !

Steven- Across or upon?

User avatar
kodama
Project's Bitch
Posts: 12085
Joined: Wed Jun 04, 2008 10:18 pm

Nature's Primal Sensuality

#24 Post by kodama » Sun Aug 03, 2008 2:19 am

Now I'm thinking drought of Saharan proportions. 8)

User avatar
Howard Beale
sexXxholic
Posts: 413
Joined: Fri Jun 06, 2008 11:13 pm
AC Username: Elfen Lied

Nature's Primal Sensuality

#25 Post by Howard Beale » Sun Aug 03, 2008 2:24 am

[insert inappropriate pun about the mile high club here]

Nice bit o' cloud sex.
Although I'm not too sure about the line
Alas, is it not reminiscent of sweet, carnal lovemaking?

The name of the piece and the majority of the content make it quite obvious what you're talking about. I think this line is perhaps a little too blatant and unnecessary.

User avatar
CrowSpirit
Call the Cops
Posts: 950
Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2008 11:05 pm
AC Username: CrowSpirit
Gender: Female
Location: Oz. The L. Frank Baum Version
Contact:

Nature's Primal Sensuality

#26 Post by CrowSpirit » Sun Aug 03, 2008 2:32 am

Howard- Thank you for the comment. I think you may be right about that line. I am very tempted to blush now.

Kodama- Why must you continue?

User avatar
Old Git
Project's Bitch
Posts: 3443
Joined: Thu Jun 05, 2008 1:13 pm
AC Username: Prisoner KSC2 303
Gender: Male
Location: Wiltshire
Contact:

Nature's Primal Sensuality

#27 Post by Old Git » Sun Aug 03, 2008 2:53 am

Steven - across or upon?

Nicole - in what sense? No idea what you mean there. :scratch:
(not bothering with innuendo either)
"It's my duty. My duty as a complete and utter bastard."

User avatar
kodama
Project's Bitch
Posts: 12085
Joined: Wed Jun 04, 2008 10:18 pm

Nature's Primal Sensuality

#28 Post by kodama » Sun Aug 03, 2008 2:58 am

*sucks teeth*

OG: Read from my 2nd post on the 2nd page onwards and all will become clear. Maybe?

User avatar
Old Git
Project's Bitch
Posts: 3443
Joined: Thu Jun 05, 2008 1:13 pm
AC Username: Prisoner KSC2 303
Gender: Male
Location: Wiltshire
Contact:

Nature's Primal Sensuality

#29 Post by Old Git » Sun Aug 03, 2008 3:18 am

I get it now.

Light across or upon a morn? Well considering the morning is when the sun rises, and spreads light, I guess a bit of an odd thing to say either way.
I guess across works as creates the image of light spreading along the sky, whereas upon would suggest light on the dawn.

Hmmm, the more I think about it, the more I'm not certain of that line. :el:
Ethereal light across the sky would be better.
"It's my duty. My duty as a complete and utter bastard."

User avatar
CrowSpirit
Call the Cops
Posts: 950
Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2008 11:05 pm
AC Username: CrowSpirit
Gender: Female
Location: Oz. The L. Frank Baum Version
Contact:

Nature's Primal Sensuality

#30 Post by CrowSpirit » Tue Aug 05, 2008 12:45 pm

Ethereal light across the sky? Probably better then morn, but not perfect, since it is the womanly curves of the earth that are supposed to have light gently cascading across it, like a woman's glow after...*cough* well you get the idea...

I would say earth but I hate reusing words over again, so I'm racking my brain trying to find a suitable word.

*to the thesaurus*

Post Reply