Impact

All things written

Moderator: Old Git

Post Reply
Message
Author
User avatar
CrowSpirit
Call the Cops
Posts: 950
Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2008 11:05 pm
AC Username: CrowSpirit
Gender: Female
Location: Oz. The L. Frank Baum Version
Contact:

Impact

#1 Post by CrowSpirit » Thu Jul 24, 2008 1:17 am

Prime Bbcode Spoiler Show Prime Bbcode Spoiler:
Impact by: Nicole

Do you ever have one of those days, when you feel as if when you walk into a room, everybody sees you, but no one really knows your there. Like you can read deep into everyone's conscious and tell no one gives a damn about you deep down. Sure, they might notice if you weren't there, but the thought would be a passing fancy, like hey the skies blue, it wouldn't strike them as all that important.

Do you ever have one of those days when you think your heart might break in two because no one seems to understand the inner workings of you? One of those days when you just wish with all your might that someone would notice that the smile is just an act and realize that deep inside your scared, helpless, and want someone to care.
Have you ever felt yourself slipping, only to realize you are on the tip of an iceberg above a freezing ocean? Longing for some one to grab out their hand and say, I’m here, I care. Don't disappear; I'd miss you too much. Have you ever felt like the only soul in the world that seemed to acknowledge you, seemed to know you’re not invisible is you and even that is an iffy situation.


Damn, some fucking days I wish that people would look past the smiles, understanding worry lines, past the pleasantries and annoyances. Search deep down, farther then the strong, callous, self assured act; and realize, I'm only human, a human that cries inside and whose tears haunt internally.

Realize that even though on the outside it's hard for me to show emotions about my own life, that inside my tears are slowly putting out the fire in my soul, I feel myself slipping, slipping off this iceberg and, there is no one, no one there to catch me. I guess that's okay though, no one has ever been there before.

I’m strong. I'll just pull myself up, I’ll dig my numb fingers into the ice and lurch myself skyward, and my warm bloody fingers, the drops melting the ice, those fingers that represent all the pain and struggles I go through alone, as they ache. I will not cry out. I’ll pray to whomever is listening that either someone pulls me up, I make it on my own, or god help me, I die on impact.


I'm wondering why no one wants to comment on this one...is it that bad?

User avatar
shogran
Mew Mew's apprentice
Posts: 711
Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2008 11:12 pm
AC Username: shogran
Gender: Male
Location: kidderminster
Contact:

Impact

#2 Post by shogran » Thu Jul 24, 2008 10:33 pm

ok i read this one

yes some times, but not often, not any more

User avatar
Old Git
Project's Bitch
Posts: 3443
Joined: Thu Jun 05, 2008 1:13 pm
AC Username: Prisoner KSC2 303
Gender: Male
Location: Wiltshire
Contact:

Impact

#3 Post by Old Git » Thu Jul 24, 2008 10:35 pm

I will read it again tomorrow and give feedback, as promised (although have permission to kick me as a reminder)
Is there anything you want to say about it - explain, add, acknowledge, enforce?
"It's my duty. My duty as a complete and utter bastard."

User avatar
CrowSpirit
Call the Cops
Posts: 950
Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2008 11:05 pm
AC Username: CrowSpirit
Gender: Female
Location: Oz. The L. Frank Baum Version
Contact:

Impact

#4 Post by CrowSpirit » Thu Jul 24, 2008 10:44 pm

It's really all about my feelings toward others abandonment of me coupled with the subsequent feelings of loneliness and self reliance I was forced to endure.

User avatar
Old Git
Project's Bitch
Posts: 3443
Joined: Thu Jun 05, 2008 1:13 pm
AC Username: Prisoner KSC2 303
Gender: Male
Location: Wiltshire
Contact:

Impact

#5 Post by Old Git » Fri Jul 25, 2008 10:40 pm

This reads like the ramble, only coherent. It is much cleaner, much easier to understand. It is very passionate - either in terms of despair and loneliness, and the defiance and strength shown at the end. That is a very good ending I thought and really liked the image of climbing up over ice.
I also think many will understand these feelings.
"It's my duty. My duty as a complete and utter bastard."

unnoticed demon
Kodama bit my bum
Posts: 113
Joined: Fri Jul 18, 2008 12:57 am
Gender: Unknown

Impact

#6 Post by unnoticed demon » Sun Aug 03, 2008 10:17 pm

.
So long, And thanks for all the fish

Post Reply